“Teaching My Grandfather How To Stay Dead” by Poetra Ama Asantewa.

PaaJoe died on a late Sunday afternoon. When the call came through, I was seven houses away in my girlfriend’s uncle’s house, humping her on a teal colored mat that was unapologetic to my already scarred knees. The phone rang at 3:24pm. It was Junior.  Junior never called unless PaaJoe was roasting his ass for something he’d done or screaming from the base of his testicles.

God made a mistake blessing PaaJoe with a timbre quality to his voice. It must have surely been in his favour when he was a young man; for when Nna, my grandmother was alive, she used to bore us to drooled sleep about how she fell for the skinny boy at the back of the Methodist church choir, with thirsty looking shoes and a beautiful voice. But not in this time, and certainly not at all hours. You’d think in his old age, he would at least be too frail to raise his voice, but PaaJoe’s angry scream could wake three generations of the dead.

I was instantly reminded of the dawn a starving thief stumbled into our house and headed for the kitchen. A kitchen that announced its hunger, the fading blue linoleum carpet, with gaping burnt holes spread across each corner of the room; as if to say even they too were dying of thirst, water stained bowls hugging each other for comfort, and the aroma of a day old palm nut soup fighting the gentle breeze of dawn for dominance. To this day, I am unsure as to what really scared the thief away; whether it was the shocking image of an old shrivelled skinny man with sunken eyes standing naked in the doorway or his jarring scream.

The phone rang a second time. I couldn’t risk picking up the call, my girlfriend was going through a phase; she called it revolutionary. I called it stupid; but only in my head. She had cut her long soft hair to a nappy, coarsely texturized pulp and insisted on everybody calling her Ewuradwoa instead of Janice. Every week there was a new craze to her ‘going back to her roots’ phase. Yesterday, it was no more watching of international news, supposedly because the international media were full of bullshit and only published what they wanted the people to see, today it was making-out on a mat instead of the comfortable quilted bed in the corner of her uncle’s room. 

But I didn’t complain, the phase hadn’t affected our sex life, if anything, it had boosted it. And I wasn’t about to spoil that with a phone call in the middle of a hot round; Especially after seeing her with a book which had “Black love” boldly written on its spine, with an image of a full-figured woman on the cover, lying on her lap two days ago.

I called Junior back at 4:45pm. Expecting his strident voice to tell me what it was this time that PaaJoe was complaining about. But it was a flat, barely audible voice that echoed through the connection. Clear enough for him to tell me PaaJoe was dead, and to get home fast. 

“Junior! Chale dis better be joke!” I said into the phone even after he had hanged up, as though if I was aggressive enough, the news would somehow be untrue. I walked out of the room in long strides, my subconscious self muting Ewuradwoa’s disturbed voice out. 

On his 80th birthday PaaJoe spent the better part of his day nursing a cut above his left eye. Adzo, our neighbour’s wife had caught him peeping at her as she bathed, through the open cracks of the wooden bathroom door we shared in the compound, and had thrown a pail full of water at his head. After that day I accepted that my grandfather was not dying anytime soon. He was too full of life, too full of mischief and nonchalance, and lived his life as though he were 50 years younger.

I found Junior sitting on the floor, looking at PaaJoe as he lay in his hammock.

He did not look dead. He looked like he was sleeping. I nudged him gently, a big part of me expecting him to laugh till he choked, glad that he could still freak us out of our minds at his age.

But his empty eyes just stared back at me.

Music suddenly started blaring from the radio in the hall. It stopped a year ago, but neither of us had had the heart to throw it out. Nna used to clean it out every Saturday as if it were a child that needed bathing. And now, in PaaJoe’s death, it had started working again, as though it had decided to come alive to pay tribute to the dead man.

“February Night” Jesse Jojo Johnson.

He saw her. She hadn’t noticed him. That was the way he liked it. Kweku sat beside the wall and leaned lazily on his chair, books opened before him, pen tip in mouth, eyes fixed on her. She was buried in something and nearly oblivious to what was going on around.

He sat at one corner of the hall, and she at the opposite end, diagonal from his preferred spot. As it turned out, that too was her preferred spot, where the windows opened to the lawn and quadrangle, and the worker’s gossip downstairs filtered upwards to break the silence of the room.

The distraction helped her focus. And it helped him focus on her too. His thoughts were consumed in his little fantasy. I like her! His mind was elated at the thought.

Library hours closed late, and the squeaking of chairs turned the studious silence upside down. It was the uproar of tired seniors making the most of a short night before the tests. All he had studied that night was Abena. Thermodynamics can take care of itself.

With the chorus of mutters and the sea of people walking through the door, and out into the cold night, Kweku steered his every step in her direction, finally brushing against her as they crossed the threshold. She was in Africa Hall, so the road took her to the right, by the Queen’s road and down to the left of Repu, where the lightless footpath found its way to Africa. From the library, he would have taken the left route across Independence Hall, down to Unity roundabout, then West End. He took the longer path.



The conversation stalled with her reply. She didn’t look up from her phone. They walked about fifteen steps.

“Christ in you”

“The hope of glory” she replied with a smile. That was the best way he could start a conversation with her, or with anyone in particular. Going by the church route made it simpler. Naturally, he chipped in something trite about the school. He got a practiced reply. His next shot was the day. He hoped his red shirt will be a talking point, but the dim lit road made it useless. Besides, she was till busy pecking on her phone screen.

He sort of mumbled something about preferring to call it Chocolate day, and he chipped in something judgmental about such vanities, which amused him. She laughed because he did.

“But you’re not in the mood kraa, ei! Some serious Chrif levels” he said. She had a long black skirt with a yellow top on, and a black scarf about her neck to keep out the cold, February night.

“O Apostle, you too!” she said, touching him a bit on his arm, not in any amoral way. They both giggled it off. He turned when they got to Republic hall, giving her a half-hug and she wishing him the best in his test and project.

Marcus blew his horn sharply, as he sped in front of Indece Hall, nearly running his Vectra saloon into the absent minded Kweku. A couple of students stopped to look at the scene. There was a quick exchange of insults not fit to type, before he drove on towards Queen’s and the down, turning right to Africa hall.

As she heard his car stop at the drive way, She revealed enough skin already if she sat. Not too much to get the boys hungrier. Her thighs arrested a few eyes that went up the stairs as she descended. God knows what they saw under that skirt.

Akwurasi fuor, she muttered under her breath and cleared her throat a bit. Too much perfume, but that’s what Marcus liked.

She skipped across the road to his car, adjusting her blouse, trying not to show her pierced navel.