When Matilda and I got married, I didn’t know exactly what I was getting into. Ewuramma had just left me. I’d lost my job too. Akwesi warned me about this; “too soon chale”, he often said when I started talking about Matilda. He’d listen anyway; who doesn’t love sizzling descriptions of a friend’s passionate side? Oh, I went into detail when it came to Akwesi, and he too he won’t stop me, that foolish guy. But after everything, he’ll tell me that he’s been there before, and it doesn’t help at all. Especially when she wants to move things quickly, get married, the kids, settle, that’s how they put it.
It’s not that I was careless – I was desperate at that time. I didn’t want to be alone. I’d been left stranded. I wasn’t myself. And she was sweet, my goodness!
We started dating after three months. This went on for another six. She’s the motherly type; petite, her skin a little lighter than mine, with a laugh that tickles. It was her half-smile and those big bright eyes that first caught my attention. Her body did the rest. Our marriage is stable. A second daughter is on her way. I have a better job too. I should be happy, but I’m not. I know I love Matilda; I said the vows. But something isn’t right. I can’t break her dreams and ruin a family I’ve just started. That will be cruel. She’s a good woman, Matilda. She has her issues, but she doesn’t deserve this.
I’ve tried several times to stifle the thoughts, kill the memories – I’ve deleted all the emails, burned as many letters and pictures as we shared, but Ewuramma just won’t leave me alone. I miss her. I still love her, two years after she walked out that door. I can’t be blamed – she was my first proper one. We’d been together for so long, life looked unfamiliar when she wasn’t around. Ewuramma was – is my life. I’m a father with a good wife, but I cannot live without my ex girlfriend. There, I said it!
I love my wife, but when Matilda makes me angry or sad – when she gets into those her moods – I drive nearly 13 kilometers to see Ewuramma. When I’m with her, I break down and cry and tell her how much I’ve missed her. That she was wicked to leave me alone, that I want her back. I usually spend the rest of the afternoon with Ewuramma, talking until I’m tired. Then I’ll trace her name on the headstone, dust myself and drive back home, wondering if she even heard.